Okay, listen up. Today marks 30 years that Cindy and I have been married. And while I don’t profess to be any sort of expert, we have stayed together longer than most couples ever will. Despite the fact that I have been asked many times, I have never articulated “Dave’s Rules for Married Guys.” That is, until now. So, looking back, here are the things I would advise any young, married guy. Note that I wrote married guy. I’m sure Cindy’s list would be way different than mine but because she’s female, she won’t ever write them down. That’s how they get you ;~)

“Dave’s Rules for Married Guys”

*All the obvious stuff, but I’ll write it down: Treat her with respect, love and kindness. And don’t cheat on her. Oh yeah, don’t play 36 holes on a Saturday. No matter how nice the weather is. Unless she’s playing with you…but if she is, you’ll only want to play 18, anyway…

*Never keep the TV on when she’s telling you a story. Even when muted, you will not be able to stop watching the game.

*Always fight fair and remember: Being Happy is More Important than Being Right.

*DO NOT LIE. We are guys. Therefore, we will forget what we said. She will not.

*Eventually, all the stuff you once proudly displayed will end up in a closet or in the basement. She doesn’t care about showing off your autographed Packer helmet. Trust me, unless Michael’s has a cool dead-stick and flower wall hanging that will discreetly hide your memorabilia, it won’t see the light of day.

*Create your own space in the home where you can escape. This man cave can include anything from a workbench to a TV/DVD to PS3. Whatever makes you happy, which leads me to…

*Whatever you have to get done around the house, do it a.s.a.p. This will allow you more time to hang out in the man cave.

*No matter what, save money for a rainy day. Having said that, don’t get angry when she buys something you consider unimportant. She can always ask you why you need 2 complete sets of Callaway irons, or why you needed to buy a new hunting rifle since you already own 2 of them….

*Have a plan. No wife wants to hear, “I don’t know, where would you like to go Friday night?”

*Pay attention to subtleties. Women are far deeper and more complex than us guys. Let’s face it; if it were left up to us we’d spend most of our life watching sports on TV, golfing, napping, eating and erasing the History on our computer. Your wife will not come out and say “Can you please clean the garage Saturday since 5 weekends ago you swore you would do it and you keep putting it off.” Instead, she’ll say, “Can a power washer be used on concrete?” See how that works?

Wives are also subtle when hinting around at gift ideas. While we like direct requests such as, “For our next big anniversary, I’d really love to go on a trip to Playa Del Carmen and stay at the Yucatan Palace and I left the phone number on your desk.” Well, that’s not happening. It will be something like this, “I saw a cute pair of earrings at the mall and if we ever go somewhere warm on vacation, they’d look great.” Long time married guys will recognize that this was actually 2 different gift suggestions, say for a birthday and an anniversary. Earrings and a trip…again, see how that works?

*Finally, and most importantly, remember that you are way over your head. I don’t know your wife, but I’m sure you way over-married. She’s more sensitive, caring and kind than you will ever be.

Now that I’m done with this, I’m heading to the man cave. Fred Miller has a beverage waiting down there for me ;~)