Day # 1 of Summerfest and I’m psyched.

But, before I head down to the lakefront for some sun, adult beverages and great music here are…

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM MY OVERLY CAFFEINATED BRAIN…

*Discovery of a 19 pound Asian carp near Lake Michigan confirms the fish have breached an electric barrier…proving how futile it is to put up a barrier and expect illegals to stay away. Plus, those fish were probably born here and therefore should be allowed to stay. What are the other fish afraid of? Well, maybe they’re afraid of being eaten since these carp can grow to 4 feet in length and weigh over 100 pounds. Wonder how they taste with rye bread and cole slaw?

*Did you see the story of the Colorado guy who decided to go and find Bin Laden and take care of business all by himself? They found this Rambo wannabe in the woods of northern Pakistan and they shipped him back to Denver. Two things: how does one get a flight to and then get into Pakistan, and what was his brother (a physician!) thinking when he dropped him off at the airport? It’s not like he was headed to MTV’s Spring Break 2010 in Cancun. Did the good doctor really think this was going to work? Hopefully he’s a bit more thoughtful when it comes to his patients.

*So a masseuse claims that Al Gore assaulted her and then calls him a ‘crazed sex poodle.” I don’t see Al Gore as a poodle.  I have always thought of him as more of a cross between a Weimaraner and a Caucasian Mountain Dog, but that’s just me.

*Wouldn’t it be great if school districts televised a teacher draft? Think about it. We spend all that time worrying about which basketball, football and baseball players our favorite team is going to draft, yet we have no idea which teachers will be hired to help shape our children’s minds.

*Everything is cyclical. And I can’t wait for this famous for being famous cycle to end. Before Jon Gosselin, the Kardashians and Paris Hilton you actually had to have some talent, skill, and ability to receive fame and fortune. Think about how many talented people are NOT being seen and heard because Heidi and Spencer need at least 15 MORE minutes…

*My brother-in-law once totaled a car and since he owed more than the Blue Book value, he had to pay the difference out of pocket. Too bad he wasn’t driving an oil rig. Trans Ocean Ltd. owns the rig that BP leased and the Sunday Times reported that they have made a $270 million profit from insurance payouts.The amount was made because its insurance policy for Deepwater Horizon was greater than the value of the rig itself. Wonder if they had a deductible?
Now, off to the World’s Greatest Music Festival and People Watching Spectacle…

Okay, listen up. Today marks 30 years that Cindy and I have been married. And while I don’t profess to be any sort of expert, we have stayed together longer than most couples ever will. Despite the fact that I have been asked many times, I have never articulated “Dave’s Rules for Married Guys.” That is, until now. So, looking back, here are the things I would advise any young, married guy. Note that I wrote married guy. I’m sure Cindy’s list would be way different than mine but because she’s female, she won’t ever write them down. That’s how they get you ;~)

“Dave’s Rules for Married Guys”

*All the obvious stuff, but I’ll write it down: Treat her with respect, love and kindness. And don’t cheat on her. Oh yeah, don’t play 36 holes on a Saturday. No matter how nice the weather is. Unless she’s playing with you…but if she is, you’ll only want to play 18, anyway…

*Never keep the TV on when she’s telling you a story. Even when muted, you will not be able to stop watching the game.

*Always fight fair and remember: Being Happy is More Important than Being Right.

*DO NOT LIE. We are guys. Therefore, we will forget what we said. She will not.

*Eventually, all the stuff you once proudly displayed will end up in a closet or in the basement. She doesn’t care about showing off your autographed Packer helmet. Trust me, unless Michael’s has a cool dead-stick and flower wall hanging that will discreetly hide your memorabilia, it won’t see the light of day.

*Create your own space in the home where you can escape. This man cave can include anything from a workbench to a TV/DVD to PS3. Whatever makes you happy, which leads me to…

*Whatever you have to get done around the house, do it a.s.a.p. This will allow you more time to hang out in the man cave.

*No matter what, save money for a rainy day. Having said that, don’t get angry when she buys something you consider unimportant. She can always ask you why you need 2 complete sets of Callaway irons, or why you needed to buy a new hunting rifle since you already own 2 of them….

*Have a plan. No wife wants to hear, “I don’t know, where would you like to go Friday night?”

*Pay attention to subtleties. Women are far deeper and more complex than us guys. Let’s face it; if it were left up to us we’d spend most of our life watching sports on TV, golfing, napping, eating and erasing the History on our computer. Your wife will not come out and say “Can you please clean the garage Saturday since 5 weekends ago you swore you would do it and you keep putting it off.” Instead, she’ll say, “Can a power washer be used on concrete?” See how that works?

Wives are also subtle when hinting around at gift ideas. While we like direct requests such as, “For our next big anniversary, I’d really love to go on a trip to Playa Del Carmen and stay at the Yucatan Palace and I left the phone number on your desk.” Well, that’s not happening. It will be something like this, “I saw a cute pair of earrings at the mall and if we ever go somewhere warm on vacation, they’d look great.” Long time married guys will recognize that this was actually 2 different gift suggestions, say for a birthday and an anniversary. Earrings and a trip…again, see how that works?

*Finally, and most importantly, remember that you are way over your head. I don’t know your wife, but I’m sure you way over-married. She’s more sensitive, caring and kind than you will ever be.

Now that I’m done with this, I’m heading to the man cave. Fred Miller has a beverage waiting down there for me ;~)

A couple random thoughts from my overly caffeinated brain:

*I LOVE Milwaukee summers, and this summer might be the best one yet. Tom Petty w/ZZ Top, Clapton/ Roger Daltrey and Santana with Steve Winwood and that’s just the start of the amazing lineup at Summerfest. Add in the lakefront, church festivals and the occasional Brewer game and this place rocks the summer. You can have January and February, though.

*I have no solid proof but I suspect that with the advent of Facebook and other social media, kids have to try extra hard to be social outcasts. What I’m saying is that maybe the silver lining to all the texts and tweets is that kids are more connected and feel less alone. And just think about how Twitter could have prevented some of those horrible school tragedies that have become almost common place. Nowadays, I guarantee you that if anyone, at any school, sees something odd or potentially dangerous, everyone will get a tweet.

*I want to preface this next statement by saying that back in the day I used to drive the whole family down to Beloit to see him play when he was with the Beloit Snappers. In fact, the first at-bat I witnessed live, he hit a 400+ foot bomb…but, the Brewers HAVE to trade Prince Fielder for pitching. They’ll get far more for him now than they will in the off-season. And while 30-40 Home Runs and 120+ RBI are hard to replace, pitching wins pennants. I just hope they get a few good, young arms who will call Milwaukee home for a while.

*Me and the fam went strawberry picking on Sunday. They weigh the berries when you get back and charge you by the pound. But since they let you eat some while you’re picking, they really need to weigh the people before and after. I think they lost money on me.

*When putting together the list of morning show bits for the “Best of the Best” week coming up next week, I was amazed by how many great comics and big name stars we’ve had on our morning show. I figured we must have some decent stuff over the years or we wouldn’t have lasted this long, but it is a pretty cool list.

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