When I was growing up in our 900 square foot home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I never cared what television and movie stars were really like. I cared about girls, playing and watching sports, and trying to get good enough grades to (maybe) go to college someday.

I never cared what Roberto Clemente’s crib looked like, what kind of car Chuck Connors drove or what designer was draped over Linda Evans shoulders. Both of them…shoulders, that is.

I never cared who my favorite Pittsburgh Steeler players were dating and what kind of cologne they had splashed on. And while I knew famous people existed, I never aspired to be famous. Why? Because I didn’t sing, play the blues, act or throw 95 miles an hour. See, back in the day, you actually needed to have a talent, a skill, an ability that others didn’t possess, in order to achieve fame. Somewhere along the way, probably with the birth of the home video camera, that all changed. Now the world is filled with people who are simply famous for being famous. No skill required.

Many of today’s kids grow up dreaming of “being famous”. Since it’s no longer a requirement to have talent, well, that opens it up for all of us, doesn’t it? Reality shows churn out hundreds of new “shooting stars” who get their 15 minutes every new season. Some of those folks get their minutes extended by getting spin off shows. Is New York still searching for love?  Honestly, I don’t care.

Still others just eat their way to fame. If you’re fat enough and you’re willing to strip to your Fruit of the Looms on national TV…instant fame! Have 18 kids? You’re in! Have 14 kids in only a couple years? Even better! Hate your life and want to leave your wife and  kids? Come on down, Jon Gosselin! Willing to exploit your 6 year old daughter? Here’s a tiara, you’re famous!! Find out you’ve married a crooked politician? Mrs. Blagojevich, welcome to the show!

The heroes of my youth have been replaced with names like Puck, Omarosa, Tila Tequila and the “God Warrior.” And that totally bums me out. You know what I think? I think one of the main reasons the world has taken Michael Jackson’s death so hard is because he was famous for BEING AMAZINGLY TALENTED. We lost a famous person who actually DESERVED fame. Nowadays, that is very rare, indeed.

 To my Facebook friends, I love you, I really do. But I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t keep up with all of your invites.  

In the last few months I have signed up to Stop Global Warming, Save Water…Drink Vodka, and I’m Saving Starving Artists. I have found out what my Mafia Name is and I’m a member of Helping Indonesia Go Green. I’m Supporting Australian Firefighters, Stop Burning Forests, and I’m Addicted to Metal. Many of my relatives have confirmed We’re Related and I have been offered more pieces of flair than I can count.  I don’t even look good in flair.  

Don’t Let Newspapers Die counts me as a member and Polish War Vets does, too. I am a fan of Summer, Sleep, Sex, Beer and Birthdays. I’ve played Scramble, Toggle and Mafia Wars. My birthday is on more calendars than some Canadian holidays and I now know What I Was in a Past Life. I also know my Life Mission and What Swear Word fits me best. 

So, what am I getting to? I’ve redone my privacy settings because I can’t deal with any more invitations. Plus, I have to go out and cut the grass and trim the trees. See, nobody else joined my Help Dave Do His Yard Work group.

I need you to understand that this is not an indictment of Michael Jackson. Look, he wrote and performed some of the most popular music ever. His videos were awesome. If he thought naming his sons Prince Michael and Prince Michael II was a good idea, who am I to judge? You can name your kids whatever you want and if they don’t like it they can always change it, right “Chaz”? It’s also apparent that he had a severe drug addiction that probably killed him, and his preoccupation with hanging around children was disturbing. Nonetheless, the world will remember him as they wish.

But seriously, how we can we spend so much time covering the funeral of a Pop Music Icon? Why do we appear to care so much? Is it the fact that his music brings back memories? That we all thought he was a good dancer? How many of those people who eulogized him stood by his side during his trial(s)? How many “fans” were quick to judge him as guilty when he faced all those accusations? Is there a hint of guilt during all this outpouring of emotion? Remember that this guy was flat broke with no cash flow. Did any of those folks who showed up to grab the spotlight ever step up and help him pay a few bills?

There are real heroes among us. Every day there are single Moms who bust their tail trying to make ends meet. There are people standing up to oppression in Iran and North Korea.  Policemen and policewomen, firefighters, and EMT’s put their lives on the line. And I haven’t even mentioned our servicemen and women. They come from all races, colors, creeds and they sacrifice every single day to protect our freedom. Many pay the ultimate price. In fact, Army 1st Lt. Brian N. Bradshaw gave his life on June 25, the same day Michael Jackson died.

Lt. Bradshaw’s aunt, Martha Gillis, wrote this letter to the Washington Post:

“My nephew, Brian Bradshaw, was killed by an explosive device in Afghanistan on June 25, the same day that Michael Jackson died…Where was the coverage of my nephew or the other soldiers who died that week?” Gillis wrote that Lt. Bradshaw “had old-fashioned values and believed that military service was patriotic and that actions counted more than talk…He was a search-and-rescue volunteer, an altar boy, a camp counselor. He carried the hopes and dreams of his parents willingly on his shoulders. What more than that did Michael Jackson do or represent that earned him memorial ’shrines,’ while this soldier’s death goes unheralded? It makes me want to scream.”

Don’t misunderstand me. I pray that Michael Jackson’s children find happiness and peace. I will still have Jackson’s music to remember him by. But the bigger issue? Why do we spend so much time grieving one life and so little grieving another?

As we approach the 4th of July I can’t help but think of something that happened to Cindy and me the last time we visited England. It was right after the 4th of July and we were at the Tower of London. The Beefeaters give the guided tours and our Beefeater asked everyone where he or she was from. Out of a dozen tourists, we were the only Americans. When we proudly stated our heritage a New Zealander looked at me and said “We’ve got something you yanks want!” He and his Missus just smirked. “What’s that?” I asked, “The America’s Cup!” he said. I had heard of the America’s Cup but since I come from a strictly blue-collar background yachting wasn’t real big back home. When I told him (politely) that the majority of Americans couldn’t give a rat’s ass about who wins a yacht race I was met with scorn from everyone in the group. Then, one of our fellow tourists (an Englishman) chimed in, “What do Americans know about culture? The only thing they’ve given the world is fast food.” Another one piled on, “Americans think everything is about them, don’t they?” Now, at this point, it was all I could muster to swallow my rage and ignore my base instinct, which was to slam these little weasels to the ground.  Instead, I said, “yeah, but you’ve got to admit that the Big Mac is one fine hamburger.” I got some laughs and we were on our way.

So as we approach the 4th of July and celebrate the amazing country we live in, I’ve compiled a list of things “We Yanks” have contributed to the world. So, grab the America’s Cup, stick this in your pipe of condescension and take a hit.

Just a few of America’s Greatest Inventions

*The Internet

*The Polio Vaccine

*Jeans

*Baseball

*Microwave Ovens

*Oil Wells

*Air Conditioning

*Airplanes

*Supermarkets

*Potato Chips

*Plasma TV

*Cell Phones

*Garbage Disposals

*The Electric Washing Machine

*Satellites

*Chocolate Chip Cookies

*Cat Litter

*The Bar Code

*Zippers

*Cotton Swabs

*Dental Floss

*Rolled Toilet Paper

*Slot Machines

*And my favorite…RADIO.

And for those people I was with at the Tower of London, fast food. One more thing for that New Zealander; of course that cup is cool; it is named after us, isn’t it? JK.