Mitchell International is the latest airport to add full body scanners to assist TSA employees in screening airline passengers. Over 40 airports nationwide are using these scanners and I have a few questions:

*How long until a grocery store tabloid pays big bucks to get the nude screener of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie or Oprah?

*How long until someone claims religious freedom from body scans?

*How much longer will we all have to wait while the folks who refuse to go through the scanner get the wand and the direct body pat-down?

*How long until we find out an unscrupulous employee (hey, everybody has them) has been collecting some of these scans for nefarious reasons, no doubt.

One guy wrote in this morning to say that he didn’t care if the TSA employee saw a nude outline of his chubby 40+ year old body, but what about his teenage daughter? He was rightfully concerned. This is not an indictment of TSA staff; it’s an indictment of a technology that is not only intrusive, but highly questionable. The TSA admits the scanners cannot detect items stored inside body cavities but they insist they are the most effective way to detect weapons or explosives that metal detectors would not catch. Several people wrote in to voice concern over the radiation exposure. I found some selected quotes from newspaper stories around the country explaining the fallout of these scanners:

“Among the difficulties in evaluating the health effects of backscatter x-rays is that the individual risk may be negligible, but on a public health basis, there could be could be cases of cancer associated with their use.”
　

“Feds admit they stored body scanner images, despite TSA claim the images cannot be saved”

“A government agency admitted this week that they’ve stored more than 35,000 controversial body scanning images, despite the federal

“Leon Kaufman, Ph.D., a retired physicist and professor emeritus at the University of California, San Francisco, noted radiation risks and asked whether the TSA x-ray scanner program amounted to a “a great public health experiment.”

Awesome! I always wanted to be part of a research team. Oh yeah, I think I came up with the new TSA recruitment pitch. We’ll see you at the airport…

I thought that as we age the confusion of life washes away and things become clearer. I was way wrong! With apologies to C&C Music Factory

Things that make you go “Hmmm

“*We have one train station that needed emergency funding to stay open but they want to build a new train? Are there that many people who are deprived of seeing downtown Oconomowoc? Are folks clambering to stop at the vacant buildings in the historic part of Brookfield while on their way to Madison?

*Why are people angry about how the PGA handled the Dustin Johnson situation? It sucks for him but he should have read the rules. Plus, everyone will remember this tournament for a long time. Golf needs the extra publicity right now and Wisconsin does, too. Remember that any publicity is good publicity; unless an indictment of some sort is involved.

*How can the Brewers players respect a skipper who lets Fielder and Weeks get plunked so many times? Brewer pitchers need to be told to nail the other guys and see how quickly it stops.

*Why are we so enthralled with the Beloit College mindset list for upcoming freshmen? It comes out every year and essentially focuses on technology or pop culture. How about refocusing? Things like, “This year’s current class of freshman has never know what great customer service really is! They have never had a nun whip their asses because they misbehaved. They’ve never known a world where kindness, common courtesy and a good work ethic virtually ensured success.”

*How is it possible for a 45 year old guy to leave the house with Daisy Duke jean shorts on (cuffed, no less) with his tee shirt tucked in, wearing a belt and tube socks and Rockport shoes on? I saw that guy walking WITH HIS WIFE at State Fair. Did she just WANT him to look like that so she could laugh at him?

*Am I the only one that thinks that our country has been compromised by the divisiveness of today’s politicians and ratings hungry media? Is it possible that our Founding Fathers understood that healthy debate can lead to a compromise that will benefit all? Is one side always right and the other side always wrong?

*When will early adapters realize that the new gadget or gizmo they absolutely must have is already obsolete? Who else thinks that there’s already a 50G smart phone that’s been developed? But I’m sure they’ll release it 1G at a time.

*Finally, how did I, a 51 year old man, make a list of the 100 Hottest Milwaukeeans? The judges need to be drug tested

http://www.onmilwaukee.com/buzz/articles/more100hottest.html 

I’ve been a regular to both Summerfest and State Fair for 20+ years and this year it finally happened. I realized that I enjoy State Fair far more. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the world’s largest music festival, but State Fair offers so much more for my ADD afflicted brain. I love the exposition center where you can see anything from a cooking demonstration to couples buying hot tubs. I love the barns where those 4-H kids proudly sit and watch us city folk stare at their animals. I love the listener e mails that flood in during the State Fair. People go to watch and be watched and no one apologizes for it. Speaking of people watching, I spotted several people openly holding the ‘KLH State Fair Bingo card and dobbing furiously. I actually heard one person say “I’m still looking for a kid on a leash.” The other one said, “Are you kidding! I’ve seen 2 of them already.” The music, the cream puffs, the people, the 2 for 1 mops, State Fair has it all. And I haven’t even mentioned all that food on a stick. This year there were 65 different items and while walking through State Fair I got an idea that someone there needs to run with, and it could even be featured in next year’s marketing campaign,

“New for 2011, the Food on-a-Stick Value Meal!” 

“The Pitchfork” is what I would call it because it could, quite literally, be a miniature pitchfork. Think handle with 4 prongs on it, each containing a delicious food on a stick item. For people with smaller appetites, you could market “The Trident”. There’s only one less prong, but just as much flavor. Since garden tools are top of mind, how about “The Trowel?” An ice cream sundae served in a trowel. With temperatures hovering near 100 degrees, State Fair should be selling booze-pops. I see them using a full shot of liquor with a 3 to 1 ratio of booze to juice. Right now I’m heading home to make up a tray of these just to see if my idea is viable. And if I sound hung over tomorrow morning, you’ll know why.

Texts and tweets and pictures and status updates are everywhere. Elin found Tiger’s messages to Rachel, teachers sending inappropriate photos to students, somebody wearing Crocs (we’ll never really know who) sending obscene pictures to a staff member of the New York Jets. Modern day scandal is all about self incrimination. It continues to fascinate me that no matter how many times Chris Hansen walks in and introduces himself, perverts still believe that they won’t get caught. How does it elude those involved that electronic transmissions last forever? They can’t be erased and most don’t even try. How can guys from all walks of life, from politicians to preachers, not know that the authorities are cruising websites looking to protect potential victims? Yet they truly believe that the girl they met online really does plan on meeting them at the mall.  How can married guys believe that their mistress will erase all those nasty pictures and notes? And when did a dude sending a raunchy photo to a girl ever really work?  

And while I don’t tweet, I do know the Library of Congress has decided it will now begin to catalogue all tweets available publicly in their archives. Just think about that! All tweets kept forever and ever. So future generations will be able to log on and see that their great-great grandpa ate a burrito as big as his head for lunch and then napped for 2 hours at his desk. Somehow that pales in comparison to seeing your ancestor’s name etched on a wall at Ellis Island, but I digress. But before you start feeling bad about the current state of affairs, I ask you to ponder this; what if social media had been available hundreds of years ago? What kinds of pictures, messages and tweets would have been sent? Well, wonder no longer. One of my favorite websites lately is http://historicaltweets.com/ 

Historical tweets speculates on what famous people might have tweeted had Twitter been available to them.  For example, “anyone got a more creative way of saying ’87 years?’—Honest Abe. Or, “accomplishments just earned me title ‘Alexander the Good.’ Must work harder”—–344BC 

Be warned, some are not in good taste, and some aren’t even funny, but the concept just makes me laugh.  One final one for you Classic Rock fans who listen to ‘KLH, “met new girlfriend. Band mates LOVE her” —@JohnLennon

I don’t claim to be any sort of psychic or futurist, but you don’t need to have any special abilities to see where this is headed.  

The President of the United States will one day be chosen by the American public via a reality TV show. 

Now, read that again, because I guarantee you it’s going to happen. And you know what? It might not be a bad idea. Think about all the possibilities. The initial “regional” vetting process could feature legitimate candidates mixed in with some real nut jobs much like the opening rounds of Idol. Legitimate candidates nominated by their own respective political parties could be mixed in with that guy who lives alone in a cabin in the woods and the lady who said Jesus appeared on her piece of toast. Entertaining? Absolutely mesmerizing! The entire process could be broadcast by all the networks and a panel of “judges” would decide who goes to the round of 16. I suggest 7 judges from all walks of life. Perhaps a retired Supreme Court Justice, a former Governor, a laid-off factory worker, a cast member from Jersey Shore, a war veteran, Brett Favre and Idol judge Randy Jackson. I can hear him now; “You’re going to D.C. Dawg!!!” 

Once in D.C. the American public would tune in weekly to see our potential future leaders tackle problems presented to them by Donald Trump. Divided into teams, which are comprised of mixed political party candidates, they would need to work as a non-partisan unit to come up with legitimate solutions to things that plague every day Americans. Unemployment, the environment, dwindling retirement savings, health care, getting the NFL network on my cable, problems we all face. At the end of the week they present their solutions to a panel of experts to see if their solution is actually workable. The American public votes on their favorite solution by calling a 1-900 phone number and each call (vote) costs one dollar. That’s right, the rich can vote as many times as they like, and the poor may only be able to afford one vote, if at all. Yes, it’s unfair and unethical, but what about real politics is fair and ethical? The money that’s raised would all go to eradicating the enormous debt that America has taken on. If, by chance, we eliminate all of our debt, then all proceeds go a nationwide 401k account to be divided equally among all legal citizens once they reach retirement age. You’ve heard of the Roth IRA? I would call this the Robin Hood annuity. 

Then, each week, just like Apprentice, two members of the last place team are nominated for the Board Room. Whoever receives the fewest number of votes from the American public gets to hear Trump say, “You’ve been fired by America!” One by one America gets rid of unqualified, or maybe just unpopular, candidates. We get to see if these future “Presidents” can really work with all political parties to do what’s best for the country. After all, isn’t a major portion of our President’s agenda comprised of problem solving? This process would also afford reality TV obsessed Americans the chance to actually pay attention to, and more fully understand, the issues our country is facing.  

Once we get down to the finale, it’s “Election Tuesday”. You think Super Bowl Sunday is huge? Just wait until the every 4 year, national holiday, worldwide TV special, “Election Tuesday!” Hours of pre-show coverage, specially produced TV commercials (think Clydesdales at the National Mall), interviews with eliminated candidates, and so much more!  

The evening would be hosted by Alex Trebek, Ryan Seacrest, Tom Bergeron and Guy Fieri. The show kicks off with our finalists announcing who they have chosen for their new cabinet. Then, along with their newly announced cabinet, our candidates will have one hour to tackle a problem Iron Chef style. The same problem is presented to both teams, and a mystery issue is then introduced. After one hour, the respective teams explain their resolution to said problem.  

Part two features Alex Trebek with Final Jeopardy. Categories could include; American History, World History, Geography, TARP or Tweet, and Things World Leaders Need to Know. Finally, we toss it to Tom Bergeron for the last hour for Dancing with the President!  Judges Bruno, Len and Carrie Ann could critique our future President and then it’s up to Americans to decide. This whole process would allow us to choose a knowledgeable, bi-partisan leader who’s quick on his/her feet, literally and figuratively. Miss the big show? That’s what Digital Video Recorders (DVR) are for! You can even watch it again, if you’d like.  

We’ll have a week to either log on, dial up or stop by a polling place and vote using our pre-registered voter ID number. I’m sure by then we could figure out a way to use some sort of pre-registered voter ID number ensuring an accurate vote, right? One week later, a winner is announced.  

And wait until you hear about my spin off idea; Extreme Makeover, Congress.

BEFORE I HEAD OFF TO THE GLO SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS:

*How long before Mel Gibson checks into “rehab”? And while it’s impossible to rehab the racist, sexist, anti-Semite out of somebody, he’ll try to convince us that he’s trying.

*So, Bella has a hard time choosing between Jacob and Edward? She sees the good and evil in both of them, and they’re both dangerous to her long term survival. Are we sure this story isn’t a metaphor for politics? As Louis Black says, “Whoever is in office, I want them out!”

*Why don’t MLB teams draft only pitchers? It seems that every year pitching is at a premium while position players are readily available. Draft all pitchers and wait for some to develop, when you have a plethora of good arms, go and get the everyday players you might need.

*Spain scores 8 goals in 7 games and wins the World Cup? That’s all you need to know about how exciting that sport is. I agree with one of our listeners who suggested getting rid of the offside rule to add some excitement. Then again, 3 Billion people watch so I doubt the rest of the world cares what we think.

*The owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers should have hit ‘delete’ instead of ‘send’. That open letter made him sound like Glenn Close in that bunny boiling movie ‘Fatal Attraction’. Dear Ohio, LeBron’s just not that into you.

*Speaking of the NBA, how good is the Milwaukee Bucks roster looking these days? John Hammond is doing an awesome job.

*Is anyone else bothered by the number of late night TV appearances our elected leaders make? Not sure it’s necessary to waste time joking with Leno about the Russian spy scandal when so many other things need taken care of. Maybe that’s just me.

*Who knew Lindsay Lohan had a Mom? It’s true! I saw her wearing a black robe and lecturing Lindsay in a courtroom recently. She was explaining that bad behavior has consequences and then she was doling out the punishment. You know, all the things Lindsay’s biological Mom never did?

*For you smokers, I’ve got a deal. You can smoke all you want, anywhere you want, just back me up when I insist that Wisconsin adopt Georgia’s drunk driving laws. Our laissez-faire attitude regarding drinking and driving has got to end.

Day # 1 of Summerfest and I’m psyched.

But, before I head down to the lakefront for some sun, adult beverages and great music here are…

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM MY OVERLY CAFFEINATED BRAIN…

*Discovery of a 19 pound Asian carp near Lake Michigan confirms the fish have breached an electric barrier…proving how futile it is to put up a barrier and expect illegals to stay away. Plus, those fish were probably born here and therefore should be allowed to stay. What are the other fish afraid of? Well, maybe they’re afraid of being eaten since these carp can grow to 4 feet in length and weigh over 100 pounds. Wonder how they taste with rye bread and cole slaw?

*Did you see the story of the Colorado guy who decided to go and find Bin Laden and take care of business all by himself? They found this Rambo wannabe in the woods of northern Pakistan and they shipped him back to Denver. Two things: how does one get a flight to and then get into Pakistan, and what was his brother (a physician!) thinking when he dropped him off at the airport? It’s not like he was headed to MTV’s Spring Break 2010 in Cancun. Did the good doctor really think this was going to work? Hopefully he’s a bit more thoughtful when it comes to his patients.

*So a masseuse claims that Al Gore assaulted her and then calls him a ‘crazed sex poodle.” I don’t see Al Gore as a poodle.  I have always thought of him as more of a cross between a Weimaraner and a Caucasian Mountain Dog, but that’s just me.

*Wouldn’t it be great if school districts televised a teacher draft? Think about it. We spend all that time worrying about which basketball, football and baseball players our favorite team is going to draft, yet we have no idea which teachers will be hired to help shape our children’s minds.

*Everything is cyclical. And I can’t wait for this famous for being famous cycle to end. Before Jon Gosselin, the Kardashians and Paris Hilton you actually had to have some talent, skill, and ability to receive fame and fortune. Think about how many talented people are NOT being seen and heard because Heidi and Spencer need at least 15 MORE minutes…

*My brother-in-law once totaled a car and since he owed more than the Blue Book value, he had to pay the difference out of pocket. Too bad he wasn’t driving an oil rig. Trans Ocean Ltd. owns the rig that BP leased and the Sunday Times reported that they have made a $270 million profit from insurance payouts.The amount was made because its insurance policy for Deepwater Horizon was greater than the value of the rig itself. Wonder if they had a deductible?
Now, off to the World’s Greatest Music Festival and People Watching Spectacle…

Okay, listen up. Today marks 30 years that Cindy and I have been married. And while I don’t profess to be any sort of expert, we have stayed together longer than most couples ever will. Despite the fact that I have been asked many times, I have never articulated “Dave’s Rules for Married Guys.” That is, until now. So, looking back, here are the things I would advise any young, married guy. Note that I wrote married guy. I’m sure Cindy’s list would be way different than mine but because she’s female, she won’t ever write them down. That’s how they get you ;~)

“Dave’s Rules for Married Guys”

*All the obvious stuff, but I’ll write it down: Treat her with respect, love and kindness. And don’t cheat on her. Oh yeah, don’t play 36 holes on a Saturday. No matter how nice the weather is. Unless she’s playing with you…but if she is, you’ll only want to play 18, anyway…

*Never keep the TV on when she’s telling you a story. Even when muted, you will not be able to stop watching the game.

*Always fight fair and remember: Being Happy is More Important than Being Right.

*DO NOT LIE. We are guys. Therefore, we will forget what we said. She will not.

*Eventually, all the stuff you once proudly displayed will end up in a closet or in the basement. She doesn’t care about showing off your autographed Packer helmet. Trust me, unless Michael’s has a cool dead-stick and flower wall hanging that will discreetly hide your memorabilia, it won’t see the light of day.

*Create your own space in the home where you can escape. This man cave can include anything from a workbench to a TV/DVD to PS3. Whatever makes you happy, which leads me to…

*Whatever you have to get done around the house, do it a.s.a.p. This will allow you more time to hang out in the man cave.

*No matter what, save money for a rainy day. Having said that, don’t get angry when she buys something you consider unimportant. She can always ask you why you need 2 complete sets of Callaway irons, or why you needed to buy a new hunting rifle since you already own 2 of them….

*Have a plan. No wife wants to hear, “I don’t know, where would you like to go Friday night?”

*Pay attention to subtleties. Women are far deeper and more complex than us guys. Let’s face it; if it were left up to us we’d spend most of our life watching sports on TV, golfing, napping, eating and erasing the History on our computer. Your wife will not come out and say “Can you please clean the garage Saturday since 5 weekends ago you swore you would do it and you keep putting it off.” Instead, she’ll say, “Can a power washer be used on concrete?” See how that works?

Wives are also subtle when hinting around at gift ideas. While we like direct requests such as, “For our next big anniversary, I’d really love to go on a trip to Playa Del Carmen and stay at the Yucatan Palace and I left the phone number on your desk.” Well, that’s not happening. It will be something like this, “I saw a cute pair of earrings at the mall and if we ever go somewhere warm on vacation, they’d look great.” Long time married guys will recognize that this was actually 2 different gift suggestions, say for a birthday and an anniversary. Earrings and a trip…again, see how that works?

*Finally, and most importantly, remember that you are way over your head. I don’t know your wife, but I’m sure you way over-married. She’s more sensitive, caring and kind than you will ever be.

Now that I’m done with this, I’m heading to the man cave. Fred Miller has a beverage waiting down there for me ;~)

A couple random thoughts from my overly caffeinated brain:

*I LOVE Milwaukee summers, and this summer might be the best one yet. Tom Petty w/ZZ Top, Clapton/ Roger Daltrey and Santana with Steve Winwood and that’s just the start of the amazing lineup at Summerfest. Add in the lakefront, church festivals and the occasional Brewer game and this place rocks the summer. You can have January and February, though.

*I have no solid proof but I suspect that with the advent of Facebook and other social media, kids have to try extra hard to be social outcasts. What I’m saying is that maybe the silver lining to all the texts and tweets is that kids are more connected and feel less alone. And just think about how Twitter could have prevented some of those horrible school tragedies that have become almost common place. Nowadays, I guarantee you that if anyone, at any school, sees something odd or potentially dangerous, everyone will get a tweet.

*I want to preface this next statement by saying that back in the day I used to drive the whole family down to Beloit to see him play when he was with the Beloit Snappers. In fact, the first at-bat I witnessed live, he hit a 400+ foot bomb…but, the Brewers HAVE to trade Prince Fielder for pitching. They’ll get far more for him now than they will in the off-season. And while 30-40 Home Runs and 120+ RBI are hard to replace, pitching wins pennants. I just hope they get a few good, young arms who will call Milwaukee home for a while.

*Me and the fam went strawberry picking on Sunday. They weigh the berries when you get back and charge you by the pound. But since they let you eat some while you’re picking, they really need to weigh the people before and after. I think they lost money on me.

*When putting together the list of morning show bits for the “Best of the Best” week coming up next week, I was amazed by how many great comics and big name stars we’ve had on our morning show. I figured we must have some decent stuff over the years or we wouldn’t have lasted this long, but it is a pretty cool list.

Vote now by clicking here: 

 http://wklh.com/Best-of-the-Best-of-Dave-and-Carole/7388051